Well, first of all, for anyone who remembers me in the LiveJournal community, hi. Been a while.

I'm feeling really down today and didn't know where else to express it. I've been working really hard on my drawings, but I don't feel like they're getting any better. I've also been doing a lot of baking and cake/cupcake decorating, since I've decided that's the career direction I'm heading in now (even taking a course starting next week)... but I'm not happy with it. And no-one online in any of the many communities I belong to seems to give half  a damn.

My DeviantArt page barely gets any views, and even though I apparently have people 'watching' me, I haven't had a single comment or note from any of them in months. I have repeatedly submitted my cake and cupcake photos to my favorite blogs about such items, and received not even a view on my Flickr.

I feel like trying to be noticed or appreciated, or even recognized by any online community is just a waste of my time. The only time anyone comments on my drawings is when it's THEIR work I'm doing fanart of. I'm not gonna go around stroking everyone's egos just to get attention, but, fuck, man. It's like people only want to look at their own shit.

Yeah, I'm ranting. LiveJournal is good for that. I'm glad I still have this account. If I whined like this on DeviantArt people would really hate me.

If they even fucking noticed. I've never had a single response to a journal post on that site either. And no-one answers my e-mails, while I'm on the subject.

Right now, my best friend is on the other side of the world, and I can't even seem to catch her on MSN. My other best friend has become a busy single mother. My fiance works weird shifts and I never see him. I thought I could find some kind of validation or friendship on the internet, but clearly those were the clouded thoughts of an imbecile.

I could just scream.
 

I've decided that I'll keep this journal around in case I feel like whining about whatever... But to keep myself motivated to keep drawing (As much as I love it, I sure can be lazy!) I've started a little doohickey over on Blogspot where I can jam my sketchbook's byproducts.

http://naomisdrawings.blogspot.com

Wheeee.

It's been nearly two years since I've updated this journal. This is INSANE.

If anyone wishes to know the fate of my Slipshine submissions - no more ever happened. I drew three pages of that comic - and under circumstances I don't remember (except that I was not responsible) those pages were destroyed by a kamikaze beverage of some kind. I then became very busy and entrenched in my retail job, and never got around to making that portfolio.

So like sand through the hourglass are the days of our lives.

For a long time, I really liked retail. Now I have developed a resentment for the public, and a couple of stress-related medical conditions, as well as some 'being on my goddamn feet all day with no breaks' physical conditions. Plantar fasciitis, anyone? Long story short - I need something different. I need out of retail. I have some applications in for some office work, but you know what? You know what I really, really, want to do? You know the reason I'm back here typing?

I want to work here. Right here in my home, creating things with my own hands, with pen and paper, for people to enjoy. I don't know if it will be in this journal, I don't know if I'll make or lose money in the venture. I don't know anything at this point other than the following.

I couldn't sleep two nights ago, for whatever reason. At three in the morning, I got out of bed, turned on my light, and got out my sketchbook. I drew whatever came into my head, including a small caricature of myself yelling at a golf tee. Somehow, in those few short minutes I was scribbling on the page, I felt really at home, really comfortable for the first time in... I don't know how long. It felt so good to just let the pencil move in my hand.

It's not like I haven't drawn anything in all this time. I've drawn. But I've drawn tired characters that have adorned my sketchbook thousands of times. I've drawn anime - which I can practically do with my eyes closed. I drew some pictures of my favorite band from photos I took at a concert - but this was the first time I just let the damn pencil go. I just drew whatever, I let my creativity happen instead of forcing it.

This is the beginning of a journey. I'm going to draw again. I'm going to really draw.

Well, I'm not the newest artist on Slipshine, but damn if that'll stop me! In Josh's rejection letter (which is one of the nicest rejection letters I've ever recieved) he noted that anime isn't what he's looking for (which I kind of knew anyway) BUT if I do more on this comic he'd like to see it. So I'm gonna whip up the first two pages for him - make them as ultra-shiny as possible, and hope to change his mind. I might also include a sampling of my non-anime art. I DO have some, you know. I can draw American-style comics and cartoons, I just really, really like anime and the style feels more natural to me.

In other news, Janos took a major clonk to the head at work last week and suffered a concussion. Those aren't fun, whether you're the one with it, or the one who has to sit by the victim's bedside all night waking them every two hours and asking cognitive questions. Then I had to work the next day. Joy! Anyway, he's okay now, so it's cool.

Still looking for a second job. When I quit Primerica, I said to myself; "Self, I'd rather be a starving artist than a rich financial advisor." (Cuz, you know, I hate math, and working with people, and that's what being a financial advisor is.) So, now I'm a starving artist. Let's see how I live up to that statement. So far, so good. I'm putting together a portfolio to send to some magazines and other online publications like Slipshine. Wish me luck.

Oh! Trav rented Resident Evil 4. He's playing it, and I'm having nightmares. I just about passed out today when he was ambushed by zombies and one with a chainsaw came up behind him and - AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGHHHH!!!
Yeah, I screamed like a wussy little girl. Leave me alone. I don't like horror games. So I came upstairs. The boys are still in the living room hacking through the undead hordes. Ick.

Well, that's all for now. If anyone wants to see what I submitted to Slipshine, let me know, maybe I'll post it sometime. Or maybe not. I dunno.

Did that Google thing again, but with "Naomi needs" this time.

"Naomi needs to shut her pie hole and stop smacking people around."
Ex-squeeze me?

"Naomi needs to go toe-to-toe with her own."
My own what?

"To improve her reading, Naomi needs to use words from the text to support her views."
Sounds like a chunk of someone's report card, oops.

"Last night when she and Mum where talking but Mum said Naomi needs to talk to God and her reply was it was God's fault she got pregnant and it was also His ..."
Yeah, that run-on sentence just keeps going, apparently. And, no, I am not pregnant, and if I was, it wouldn't be God's fault, it would be my fault for fucking around. Morons.

"I think Naomi needs to stay the hell away from those The Ring movies because they're starting to mess with her head."
OMG, that's so true. I couldn't even blink properly for like a month after watching The Ring.

Well, those were all the entertaining ones. I keep finding the results of OTHER Naomi's searching their names. Gawd, everyone's doing these searches now, so I'm not gonna anymore.
Instead, I'll go take some blog things quizzes! That's new and original and I bet no-one's done that yet! *Dies*

Check it:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

And if you want to know how pathetic I am:
( Here's the complete lyrics )

So, anyone know a good place to get a life?

I did that whole "Your name needs" thing on google and came up with some fun stuff:

"Tamara needs to meet with Ben and discuss options."
Yeah, Ben, drop me a line, and tell me who the hell you are!

"Because of the size of package, Tamara needs two staff."
That one's too easy to make a joke of, so I won't even bother.

"Caressing your cheek and eyeballing your soul is all Tamara needs to overpower your will."
Yeah, bow to me, baby.

"He has a much harder time accepting Tamara's needs for structure."
???

And my favorite, "Tamara needs your prayers, dear brothers and sisters!"
Yeah, gimme gimme.

In other news, there is little other news -_-;; Still looking for a second job, and I've decided what I'm sending to Josh Lesnick. One page is already pencilled and just needs some inking and tweaking, but the other is still at the planning stage. I still haven't decided if I'll be posting any of that here, because it would drastically affect my PG-13 rating. Maybe if I make that one friends-only or something.

OH! Work drama yesterday. S comes up to me while I'm running between 3 sets of customers, and I'm looking for a skirt for a French-speaking lady, and S says, "Oh, Tamara, I was helping that lady first."
And I've been working with French lady for like 20 minutes, so I say, "Well, I'm helping her too, why don't we split it?" As is customary when two salespeople are involved in one sale. Then, she starts WHINING! And I have NO TOLERANCE FOR WHINING (unless I'm the one doing it.)
She's like, "Oooooooh, but I had 4 returns today and I reeeeeally need this sale, can I just have the whole thing?"
Love how she doesn't take into account the fact that I have returns, too, and that I'm on the verge of being fired since I haven't made my quota in like 2 months.
"Fine, S, take whatever you want, I don't care." Please remember I was in the middle of helping three people and had no time to listen to that. So she runs off and cries! Okay, I'm super-sensitive too, but you gotta keep a hold of yourself at work. Nothing that awful was happening.

So next thing I know, C (the management member that day) is on my ass with, "Tamara, you can't ask the other associate to get something for your customer and then steal theirs." What? I never did that?!!?
"S is really upset, what happened?" So I explained the above.
Now, C thought that S's customer was an older lady getting ready for a cruise who I had just cashed out with a $200 dollar sale. Now that was all kinds of wrong. The most S had done with THAT customer was be like, "Hey, Tamara, your customer needs you." So I told C that. Now we're all throughly confused.

So S finally calms down and comes to speak with me, and is apologizing like she killed my babies or something, so I tell her to stop (it was getting pathetic). Turns out she was talking about a customer I'd just put in a fitting room, who I really wasn't that involved with. Okay, had she EXPLAINED that upfront instead of vaguely saying, "that customer" when I had been talking to French lady that previous second, we could have avoided all this. And had she explained in a NORMAL TONE her predicament instead of WHINING at me, I wouldn't have lost so much respect for her and snapped at her.

As it turned out, since S ran off I ended up ahving to help 'her' customer while she was gone. I gave her the sale anyway because I just didn't care. Long story short, she made her quota yesterday and I didn't. And to the drama queen go the spoils. And to top it off, guess who cleaned out the disgusting-mess-fitting room! ME! Fabulous. And I pulled something in my back the other day and still had to clean up after 'her' customer, and STILL had to sweep the whole store at closing, and it took so long that buy the time I got to Wal Mart (which is open an hour later than the rest of the mall) it was closed and I couldn't buy my new shoes.

And yes, I know that I'm overdramatic, too, and have probably pulled similar crap, but S is three years older than me, and Courtney thinks so highly of her (Courtney being another co-worker who I totally adore and look up to who thinks I'm a massive dork) and they go out partying all the time and I'm never invited out with ANYONE to ANYWHERE when it comes to work so GUH.

I'm seriously considering quitting Addition-Elle and going to work for Lush when they hire for the summer. At least there the customers don't usually smell bad, there's less effort involved in making a sale (you don't have to find different sizes/colours of soaps and stuff) and I already know at least 60% of the merchandise. I do worry that I won't fit in well with the young(er), trendy, born-richer-than-me-and-also-skinny girls currently working there. They all DO seem really nice though, I mean, they always help you out and are kind in conversation. I guess I'll never know till I try.

Ha ha, first I say there's no news, then I rant for an hour. Okay one last thing: The Epson Stylus scanner/printer/copier kicks all ass. It is my new best friend (of the electronic world, anyway).

Okay, I'm done.

So, finally I have a scanner. Now to burn my fingers to nothingness making awesome porn art... -_-;; I hope he accepts it.

Some fun crap I've come across:

Sons of Butcher is the greatest thing ever. I have watched this about 86 time. NSFW!!!
http://www.boredadults.co.uk/view/215/videos/music-videos/sons_of_butcher.html

Check it! Mario music on electric guitar! This guy deserves a medal or something.
http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/4/Mario+Guitar/stream

Good news and bad new peoples... Bad news first, then we'll all think happy after :)

So, Mom's still having problems, and after only two days back at work is off again. We're going to see the doctor tomorrow, but the long and short of it is she needs surgery, and she needs it now. Fantastic. Of course, we all knew this was coming so it's not the end of the world, I just hope she can get a surgery date that's not too far off so we'll have time for her to recover, return to work, and still be able to move out of this crappy apartment this year.

Which brings me to the good news. I have some good job leads - a position at Mom's work has opened up, so I'm applying, an optometrists' office needs a new receptionist, and Lush (my new favorite store) is hiring around May, so I'm applying there too. I hope I get something - the job at SCCAC, preferably, as it will more than triple my current income (though I'll be busy as hell, it would be worth it) C'mon, lady luck!

So, Lush and all its fabulousness: I was referred there by a customer at my current workplace, and when I went to check it out, I was like, "WTF! $6 for a bath bomb? That's nuts!" But my sister-in-law Sami extolled the virtues of the shop and its products so I bought a couple anyway, and oh my god! They're awesome. I enjoyed a Fariy Jasmine ballistic in my bath last night, and I'm still all sparkly (it fills the tub with jasmine scent and glitter - wheee!) and the "Sex Bomb" bath, uhm, lives up to its name, let's say. *blushies*
They were both so relaxing and exotic, I bought another today called "Bollywood" that's all orange oils and exotic spices, I'm saving it for the weekend. And I saw something that I'll be purchasing for a certain someone. In the catalogue, it describes the item something like the "perfect gift for someone you've had a spat with, after their bath, all will be forgiven". I won't go into too many details, but I do have a guilty conscience over something, and once it's done with I'll be picking that up to show no hard feelings - ha ha, my cryptic-ness is probably really annoying, eh? Don't ask, when all is done I'll explain.

Also, I've started collecting RG Veda, CLAMP's debut series from like 1990. The art speaks of when it was made - still heavily 80's looking (think like Saint Seiya-type art, but with that CLAMP flair). So far I've read volume one and volume two, and it's pretty good so far. The storyline gives off a kind of Fushigi Yuugi vibe: "Gather the six stars" = "Gather the seven seishi" you get it. Well, you do if you're familiar with the two series, anyway.

And I think I alluded to something in my last post about last Saturday evening. Well, it was Janos' nephew's birthday, so we went to the party, at which all adults were drinking, including Janos and I. We didn't stay to late because we had to travel by bus, and when we got home I needed a "get rid of the vodka smell" soak, and that's when I ran a bath and dropped the pink Lush ballistic in it, and that's all I'm saying XD

Oh! Has anyone played Artificial Girl 2? If so drop me a line.

That's all for now.

All this week, I kept thinking all these funny things to post, and this past weekend was fun... (insert evil smile) but I'm too tired to babble... maybe this week I'll get around to catching up... zzzzzz....z.z.zzz...

I will post more when my brain is not of the farting variety...